What I strive to connect to is my inner Being. That is the being that experiences deeply, gives itself completely to the world, demands profound relationships, mutuality in partnerships, to be met in its strength, weakness, vulnerability, emotionality. It aspires to expose itself, to be seen in a completely unveiled way. Sometimes fear gets in the way of that and the Being runs away. Then, it lives in agony. It yearns for an outlet, for sharing. It cannot bear holding the secret of its feelings in. It suffocates and struggles on its own. Desperate to find a voice to speak out and yet, its voice has vanished. It takes enormous courage and effort to speak out, but if it does, fireworks of relief deflate the balloon in its chest. Then, it faces its fears and shares what the other person means to it, how it feels with them, what it’s been hurt by. My Being would then confess its ginormous need it has of the other. A frightening need when it doesn’t know if it will be met and accepted in its feelings. This is the scariest and most rewarding spoken truth.
The sharing of this truth boomerangs back to my self-acceptance. In a way, it brings me back to myself. It makes me acknowledge my inner Being, my soma, my presence. It turns the mirror towards me, for me to meet myself, bringing me back to my own skin. All this time of projecting onto others is now reflected back. The mere experience of sharing a vulnerable truth can do all this, with or without the approval of the other.
Yoana